27. Designing A Nervous System-Friendly Life

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Welcome back to 3D Authenticity! Today’s episode is all about designing a life that works with your nervous system, not against it.

We’re constantly bombarded with messages to dream big, push harder, and optimize every corner of our lives, especially around the new year. But what if true life design starts by honoring your actual energy, capacity, and sensitivity first and then deciding if and when to strategically push toward your goals?

In this episode, Jennifer invites you into a powerful and compassionate reframing of intentional living that prioritizes your body’s wisdom and builds toward a life that’s not only meaningful on paper, but livable and sane in practice.

If you’ve been feeling chronically on edge, overwhelmed, overstimulated, or just off, this episode is for you.

In this episode, Jennifer explores:

✅ What a “nervous system–friendly life” is and what it’s not
 ✅ How we move through activation states (fight/flight/freeze)
 ✅ The five pillars of nervous system–aligned life design
 ✅ Why regulating your nervous system is a powerful act of self-respect, not indulgence

Reflection Prompt
What’s one small change you can make this week to support your nervous system?

Ways to Connect

💜 Join the Waitlist for Jennifer’s 3D Authenticity Group Coaching Program – Next cohort begins February 2026
💜 Follow on Instagram: @3dauthenticity
💜 Email: 3dauthenticity@gmail.com
💜 Download your Free Stay True To You Reflection Journal by joining the mailing list.

Join the Journey
If you’re craving a life that actually feels good in your body, in your spirit, and in your relationships, this episode is your invitation to begin. Hit subscribe, share this message with someone who needs it, and know you are always worth designing a life that honors who you truly are.

Know who you are. Love who you are. Live who you are.

Transcript

Jennifer: 0:08

Hello and welcome. My name is Jennifer Wade, and this is 3D Authenticity, where we talk about all things related to building a life in the real world that authentically reflects your core being. No matter if you're a chronic people pleaser or you're knee-deep in a major identity crisis, or especially if you've given up believing you can have a deeply fulfilling life, it's time to learn how to love who you are and unapologetically live your one-of-a-kind life. Join me for a deep dive in how to do exactly that. Hello, my friends, and welcome back to another episode of 3D Authenticity. As always, I am so happy that you're here. Whether you're a first-time listener, and if so, welcome. Or if you've been a listener for a while now, I am so genuinely grateful that you've chosen to be here with me today. So, as I was setting everything up this morning for recording, I was wondering how quickly that new year energy tends to wear off for people. I feel like I'm definitely still in it, which I love, but I definitely think that's helped up by the fact that I'm in a different part of the country and I'm leaning into a slower January rhythm because I'm in a totally different environment. But what about you? Are you still riding high on the possibilities of a brand new year? Or are you already feeling weighed down by real life kicking in after the holidays or somewhere in between? As we all begin this new cycle of the year, I think it's common and normal for there to be so much conversation floating around about goals and resolutions and planning and all those sorts of things. And of course, as I've shared before, I love a good vision setting session. You know, I am all for intentional living. And today's exploration really doesn't diverge from that, but it does take a different view on life design. And it's one that I think is so very important to take into consideration, but I don't find that it turns up very often in all of these conversations we have at this time of the year. I want to offer up today the idea of building of life design on a foundation that fully acknowledges our capacity first and then looks toward our desires and ambitions based on that capacity. That could be energy, health, whatever it might be, we need to be honest about what our capacities are. In other words, I think it is easy for us to be taken in by the allure of what we would love our lives to look like and to feel like. But if we don't take into account the reality of our own unique energy levels, what and how much we're able to tolerate at any given time, we are as good as writing a fantasy story. So that's what I want to talk about. What it means to design a nervous system-friendly life, one where you're not always at the edge of what you can bear, one where you allow yourself the rest you want and need, and a life that chooses your pathway intentionally and lovingly based on deep self-knowledge and deep self-acceptance. How does that sound? For so many of us, you've heard me say this before, life design is approached through the lens of achievement and performance and even wish fulfillment. It's often about strategizing and doing more, pushing harder, acting smarter. But what if the most radical and self-honoring thing you could do right now is ask your body what it needs? Your body is the one carrying you forward. Only through your body is anything possible. So let's ask it to be a partner in the planning. My goal for today is to show you what it means to build a life that's not just beautiful and meaningful on paper or in your dreams, but it's a life that is truly livable and sane in your body. I promise you, this leads to a better experience of life, period. It prioritizes a life that's responsive to your actual energy, your energy rhythms and cycles and levels. It's responsive to your emotions and your sensitivities. And we all have these things to a greater or lesser degree. So I simply want to invite you to start dreaming about and designing a life that works with your nervous system and not against it. So let's get into what I actually mean when I'm saying a nervous system-friendly life. I want to be really clear up front that a nervous system-friendly life is not a life without stress. That's just not the reality of the world. I'm not talking about a life where nothing challenging ever happens. Because remember, a certain measure of challenge is actually extremely good for us. We stagnate without it, and we grow as a result of challenge. Has to be that right amount of challenge, like just beyond our comfort zone and not to the point of overwhelm, but it's very important. So a nervous system-friendly life is absolutely not about avoiding hard things or shrinking your existence just to stay comfortable. Instead, it's about designing your life with intentional support built in, like support for your physical body and your inner being. The parts of you that are working constantly behind the scenes to manage your energy, to manage your stress and your emotions, it all leads up to your sense of safety in the world. And this needs attention and support. Your nervous system is that control center. It informs everything you do. It informs your habits, your moods, your relationships, your ability to focus and rest. Even things that feel less physical, like just trust and confidence, and even your ability to feel joy, these things are all tied into the state of your nervous system at any given time. So before we talk about how to design a nervous system-friendly life, let's just do a quick, I don't know, like a nervous system 101. I think many people have heard of the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems, but may not be entirely sure what they are. So let me explain. The sympathetic nervous system is your fight or flight mode. It's what kicks in when there's a perceived threat, whether that's real or imagined. Your heart rate rises and your breath quickens. Basically, your body prepares to do something. And the parasympathetic nervous system is your rest and digest mode. This is where healing and integration, digestion and restoration takes place. It's the state that allows your body and mind to recover. Now there's also the freeze response, which is technically part of the parasympathetic system too, but in a different way. This is what, in more extreme responses, can lead to the dissociation state, a collapse or a shutdown. Think of it as, you know, when the body decides, oh, I can't fight and I can't flee, so I'm just going to go numb. Now, the important thing to understand is that we typically move through these states on and off throughout the day. Hopefully, most of us listening were blessed to live in a way that those activation states are more mild versions rather than the extreme versions of literally having to fight or run. So moving between these states as we do during a typical day is normal. It's actually quite healthy. And a regulated nervous system is able to move more fluidly between these states and return to that feeling of being centered or grounded after having been activated. Now, to be clear, this is not the same thing as being constantly calm, but it is the capacity to respond to what's happening in your life without getting stuck in that state of agitation or reactivity, and you just can't get out of it. So when I say nervous system-friendly life, what I mean is a life that makes it easier for your nervous system to regulate itself, and a life that includes intentional structures, intentional planning for replenishment and repair and rest. This is really important to me to share because I think so many of us live with just low levels of these activations, but in a chronic way, in a debilitating way, even. And obviously, this leaves a mark. When your nervous system is constantly on edge or constantly running on empty, everything in life gets a little bit harder. So you might have the most worthy goals in the world, the most exciting vision board. But if your internal system is fried or exhausted or in a chronic state of vigilance, those goals are going to feel far away or inaccessible or even unfulfilling if you actually do get there because you've got nothing in the tank left for enjoyment. So what does it look like? And what does it feel like if you're living in that chronic state of dysregulation? The truth is that many of us are living in that way, but we think of it as normal. We live in a heightened state of activation without even realizing it. We think that's just what life is like, or that's just who we are. So nervous system dysregulation is very important to recognize in ourselves, and it's important to recognize that it can show up somewhat differently in different people. Sometimes, yes, the symptoms are very obvious. They may be clearly physical, like a body that's constantly tense or stress headaches might be common for you. It can look like being wired but exhausted, or like you're stuck in this overdrive mode and have a really hard time relaxing. And on another end of the spectrum, sometimes dysregulation shows up as being tired all the time, even when technically you are getting enough sleep. And that could actually be pointing more toward the emotional or behavioral side of symptoms. So, as an example for me, I know when my patient's fuse gets really short, or when I'm just overreactive to small irritations, those are very clear warning signs to me that I need to take a closer look at what's going on. It's very rarely the external circumstances that are the problem. More often, something is taking a toll on me in the background, and I need to slow down, look at it, and address it. So, in the same way, paying attention to your own patterns, noticing if you're prone to spiraling thoughts or overthinking or overanalyzing. Or maybe you tend toward disconnection from your body or even your hunger cues or your energy levels. All of this, becoming aware, is essential for learning about how to work best with yourself. So all of these responses are normal human reactions to circumstances, but again, when they are experienced in extremes or for a prolonged period of time, even at low levels, it's a clear sign that something in your life is begging for your attention. So instead of telling yourself that you're lazy or that you're undisciplined or dramatic or too sensitive or that you're not trying hard enough, I just want you to stop and seriously consider if it's perhaps your nervous system that has been operating in survival mode for so long. And along the way, it has lost its ability to regulate itself without support, without some extreme recovery time. When your nervous system is dysregulated, it's truly not because you're doing life wrong. It's because your unique, one-of-a-kind system that's yours and only yours is carrying more than it was designed to carry without repair, without downtime, and without that necessary opportunity to recalibrate. And I've made a list of five things that I believe are essential parts of intentional life design that make a huge difference in your daily well-being and your long-term resilience, especially through the lens of how your nervous system is feeling. So let's start with the first one: acing. Okay, this one is perhaps obvious, but in a culture that praises speed and efficiency and output, so many of us have internalized the idea that being productive means always being in motion, constant activity. But that mindset is a direct pathway to leading your nervous system to a perpetual state of hyper-arousal. A much healthier and a much more nervous system-friendly life can still be very productive, but it routinely allows for the necessity of time and space for recovery. So instead of back-to-back meetings or activities, it means giving yourself space between those things. It means knowing your energy rhythms and cycles and working with yourself when you make plans. Instead of looking at your calendar and just seeing a blank space and immediately filling it up because, hey, you can, you learn to prioritize gaps in your schedule. You can choose what that looks like for you. You can experiment until you find the right version for you. Like, for example, for me, I am an introvert's introvert, so I know I need a lot of downtime. And I'm sure to schedule, I do this very routinely, I schedule a couple of slow mornings in every week where I don't have anything specifically scheduled until the afternoon. And always, if I happen to have a couple of unavoidable, full-on weeks in a row, I am extremely protective of giving myself two or even three days of totally open, unscheduled time after those intense weeks. Now, again, that doesn't mean I don't do anything, but it means that I don't have any scheduled obligations. And this is what works for me. But the point is for you to find what works for you and then prioritize that rhythm of activity and that rhythm of rest that works for you. We simply must acknowledge that we're not machines. We are living, breathing organisms, and all organisms need rest to thrive. Okay, so the second thing on my list is input. The human nervous system takes in far more than we realize. We are just taking in so much information in every second, and our brains filter out what seems unimportant in the moment, but our bodies have still received it. Every sound, every little tidbit from every video or post in your scroll, every news headline, every interaction with another person, not to mention that constant to-do list that we're all keeping active track of in our minds, when you start adding it all up, it is painfully clear that many of us are living in a state of low-level but undeniable over-stimulation all day long. So a nervous system-friendly life includes intentional boundaries around what gets access to your attention. Yes, that does mean making some challenging decisions sometimes. Like maybe turning off notifications or putting a hard boundary around your sleep routine. This isn't easy, I know. But that's why one of the wayfinder practices I teach is the art of managing boundaries. It's so important and it's not easy. We absolutely do experience discomfort on the way to building skillfulness with boundaries, but your entire experience of life will improve if you're willing to allow some discomfort in that way up front. Basically, it just comes down to being really honest with yourself about how much you can take in terms of people and news and activity or whatever, before that thing starts to dysregulate you. And then it means having such a deep commitment to your own well-being that you're willing to experience some friction or discomfort or pressure, whether that be from other people, or even from your own brain telling you this story that you really need to go back to the intensity, or else something terrible is going to happen. Over time, if you can become more comfortable with that discomfort, I promise, your self-trust in what you need and what your body is telling you, not your brain, but your body, your nervous system, if you listen, this is really good for you. And your self-trust trust becomes so high that it's easier to choose positive inputs rather than those harmful or draining ones. Doesn't that sound good? Yeah, okay. Here's the next one on my list. People. This is a big one. Our exquisite human nervous system responds to other nervous systems. It's how we're wired. This means that the people you spend time with, whether that be in person or over text or in the office, they impact you more than you might think. So start paying attention. Which relationships leave you feeling grounded and seen and safe and calm? And then which ones leave you feeling anxious or drained or like you're less than, like you're unworthy in some way. Now again, I want to be clear a nervous system friendly life isn't about cutting everyone off who dysregulates you, but it is about becoming aware of what you need in your relationships and choosing co regulation over chaos whenever. That's possible. I want you to invest in people who feel safe and supportive. And I want you to minimize intentionally, as much as you're able, minimize the exposure to people or relationships that keep your nervous system in a constant state of vigilance. Okay, now for time's sake, let's keep moving here. The next item on my list is physical environment. And I think this one is probably the most significant one for me personally. I mean, in fact, it's why I'm starting the new year away from DC. I needed, I knew I needed an environment where I could slow down and reset and kind of recover from a very busy end of the year. But I think sometimes it's easy for us to underestimate how much the things that are right in front of us in our environment, how much they affect our well-being. Even simple things like lighting or sound or clutter, temperature, noise levels, traffic, even access to nature, all of these things absolutely have an impact on our nervous system. So take a moment, ask yourself does your environment soothe you or stimulate you? Is there beauty, quiet, softness, nature, order, organization? Are these things part of your daily experience? Now you don't need a perfectly serene home or some crazy minimalistic aesthetic, but you do need spaces that help your body exhale and regulate, right? That's going to be different from person to person, but ideally, this needs to be a priority in your life. Even the smallest adjustments, like opening a window for fresh air or turning off a fluorescent light, or clearing one surface of clutter, it is truly amazing how these can have a tangible, real impact on your nervous system's ability to settle. It's a really important form of self-care. And what's cool is that you can scale this idea up and take it all the way to the environment in which you live. And I think people tend to gravitate to certain environments more than others, but ask yourself, would your system be soothed by living a little further away outside of the city? Do you always feel more calm near a body of water or in the mountains, maybe? How can you give yourself more of that? How can you build that into your planning without it feeling like some sort of afterthought or indulgence? I know it's super easy to have resistance to this idea. So if that's you, I want you to reach out. I want you to be in touch with me. Like I said, this is actually one of my most favorite things to take into account when it comes to life design. So I'd love to have a conversation with you about it. I promise there's wiggle room in your life for more of this. Yeah, okay. Now I think, yeah, let's move on to the last item on my list. And it may seem a little odd, but bear with me. I think this flows very easily from what I was just talking about. So ready? The last item is permission. And I think this one might be the hardest for many of us, especially if you are used to running on that high-achieving autopilot. If your worth is tied to performance or output, or just always being available to others, or permission to not be that or to not do that is so hard to give ourselves. But creating a nervous system-friendly life means giving yourself permission to be as you are, not as you think you should be, or the way others think you should be. If your nervous system needs to unplug, your ability to give yourself permission to do that ultimately means less drama in your life, less stress. It's just what you need, period. There's nothing more to say about it. You're allowed to protect your peace and your energy and your well-being. In fact, it's your responsibility to do that. This is not laziness. This is wisdom. Your nervous system cannot function well, and you cannot thrive when you're constantly overriding your body's signals in order to meet someone else's idea of what's enough. That's so important. I really hope you let that sink in. And with that, you have all five items on my list. So just to recap, we have pacing, input, people, environment, and permission. Your nervous system wants you to give these things intentional thought, and it will reward you with more available energy, more capacity for joy, and just more trust in yourself that you can handle whatever life throws at you without having to push yourself to the breaking point or pushing yourself to the point you have to just numb. So before I wrap up this episode entirely, there is one thing that's really important that I want to acknowledge here. And it is absolutely that there is an element of privilege that has been built into this conversation. I know that the ability to design a nervous system-friendly life, that ability to create space and time to slow down, to change your environment, or even just to say no to certain things, all of that hinges on having the privilege of some measure of autonomy and stability and support in your life. And not everyone has that. I know there are people living in survival mode. There are people navigating caregiving crises, or people living in marginalized communities who don't have that same access to flexibility or choice. So it's just really important to me to acknowledge that. And at the same time, if you do have a measure of control over your daily rhythms and choices, please don't use that power in a way that makes life harder than it already is. Use it to work with the wisdom of your nervous system. Use it to honor the way you are instead of trying to force yourself into a way of being that ultimately reduces your quality of life, maybe even your longevity. So if you take nothing else away from today's episode, I want you to remember this. If you have the power to make your life more livable, more sane, please use it. It is a form of wisdom to build a life that you can actually live inside of. One that doesn't constantly overwhelm you and doesn't overwhelm the nervous system that you were born into. Yours and yours alone. So here's my invitation to you this week. I want you to think about what small change you could make, something simple, to start supporting your nervous system in a in a more meaningful way. Maybe it's just a boundary around your phone, or maybe it's protecting one quiet, slow morning a week. Maybe it's just noticing that certain relationships leave you burned out. So just start with the one thing and commit to honoring it. Honor yourself. This is an important part of life design. And I am so proud to say this is what we do inside the 3D Authenticity Coaching Program. And we do this on that day-to-day scale, and we do it on the scale of life design for the big years of your life. So, if that sounds like the kind of support you are craving this year, I want you to join the wait list for the next 3D authenticity small group coaching cohort. Put your name on the list today because the doors are opening very soon for the next cohort kickoff in February. We will be taking into account the parts of life design that are so often overlooked, things like being nervous system friendly. And we support you through the emotional challenges and the discomfort that comes along with transformation. And I cannot say this enough: the community of beautiful souls doing the same work all at the same time is so special and so rewarding. So I want you to add your name to that list. You can find the link in the show notes, and by signing up, you will get access to the early bird price as soon as the doors open. And with that, my friends, I am officially wrapping up this episode for today. So, as always, if something I said resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you would consider sharing this with a friend, or just leave a rating and review in support of the show. As always, I'm so grateful for your time and your attention. Thank you for being here. And until the next time, be well, my friends. Bye for now.