23. Reclaiming Joy When Life Feels Like A Chore

Welcome back to 3D Authenticity! In today’s episode, Jennifer invites you to pause, breathe, and reconnect with something we often lose sight of in our busy, hyper-productive lives: the restorative, uplifting power of joy.

If life has started to feel like one long to-do list, even when you’re doing things you should enjoy, this episode will help you reset and reconnect with your spark and sense of delight.

This episode is especially for anyone who:
 ✨ Feels stuck in “responsibility mode” and rarely slows down to savor life
 ✨ Notices that even the fun things now feel like work
 ✨ Has been living by invisible “shoulds” and wants to soften back into presence
 ✨ Longs to feel more aliveness, spontaneity, and delight in everyday moments

In this episode, Jennifer explores:
✅ Why joy disappears when we live in constant management mode
✅ How perfectionism, pressure, and future-focus quietly push joy away
✅ Simple ways to reawaken joy without turning it into another “project”
✅ Why joy is not an indulgence, but an essential ingredient for a meaningful life

Resources & Ways to Connect
💜 Join the Waitlist for Jennifer's 3D Authenticity Group Coaching Program
💜 Follow Jennifer on Instagram @3dauthenticity
💜 Email: 3dauthenticity@gmail.com
💜 Download Jennifer's free guide: The High-Achiever's Identity Crisis: 10 Questions That Reveal Who You Actually Are Beneath the Achievements

Action Step for You:
Take 30 seconds today to pause and notice something beautiful. Linger for five extra seconds and let yourself really feel it. This is how you begin to open the door to joy.

Join the Journey
If you’re ready to stop managing your way through life and start living with more presence, softness, and delight, hit subscribe. You’re exactly where you need to be!23

Know who you are. Love who you are. Live who you are.

Transcript

Jennifer: 0:08

Hello and welcome. My name is Jennifer Wade, and this is 3D Authenticity, where we talk about all things related to building a life in the real world that authentically reflects your core being. No matter if you're a chronic people pleaser or you're knee-deep in a major identity crisis, or especially if you've given up believing you can have a deeply fulfilling life, it's time to learn how to love who you are and unapologetically live your one-of-a-kind life. Join me for a deep dive in how to do exactly that.

Jennifer: 0:42

Hello, my friends, and welcome back to another episode of 3D Authenticity. I'm your host, Jennifer Wade, and I am just so glad that you are here with me today. I do feel like a little heads up here is appropriate. I apologize because I have definitely come down with a little bit of a cold. So my voice may be a little croakier than usual, but the show goes on, right? Yeah, so today I want to talk about something that I think many of us in the modern world can relate to. And maybe you're in this situation right now. Maybe you're in a chapter of your life when everything has quietly or maybe not so quietly started to feel like one long to-do list. Even saying that, I really feel like things suddenly just got a little heavier, like I feel a weight hanging on my shoulders. And maybe you've had the experience when even the things that should bring you joy, things that normally feel so inviting, even those things can start to feel like work.

Jennifer: 1:53

Does that ring a bell for you? Does that feel familiar? I know for me, as a good example of this, I love to travel and it brings me incredible joy. But I certainly remember I've been at times in this mental space, particularly a number of years ago, when I just could not get into the idea of travel because of all of the planning and of the coordinating and the logistics. It just felt like too much to do. And I just could not connect with the joy of it that was waiting for me. It was just there, waiting on the other side of all that planning. But I just couldn't connect to it. Now, I've also heard other people describe this sense of just, you know, like one long to-do list. I've heard people describe it as this feeling that the days are just kind of blurring together into one huge sea of just get the things done, get them off the list, try to manage your time better so that you can breathe. But just the sense of like you have to keep going.

Jennifer: 2:55

And then you notice that one day, somehow the joy seems to have slipped out the back door and you're just left holding the laundry basket, right? Yeah, I don't think any of us sets out to live our life with that picture in mind, right? But getting to that place, I think, is paved with really good intentions. We're trying to take care of ourselves and our loved ones, and we're being responsible. We're being the adults, right? But before we know it, the sense of obligation creeps in. And it's this sense of hierarchy, like all the responsibilities must come first. And of course, the list of responsibilities can be pretty rigid and pretty long. So then sadly, in this hierarchy, pleasure and joy come at the end of the line. We fit them in when there's time and when we think we have the energy for them.

Jennifer: 3:55

Or what about this scenario? Maybe this sounds familiar. Like when you, even the things that you know are good for you, things that it would fall into just good self-care, positive self-care, what happens when even those things start to feel like burdens? Like we do them because we feel like we should. So we exercise because we feel like we should, or we visit with extended family because we feel like we should. What begins as nourishment, as that really positive quality of self-care, eventually can start to take on the sense of yet another task on the to-do list.

Jennifer: 4:37

So, how do we reconnect with that feeling of joy when everything starts to feel like work? How do we give ourselves the space to invite joy in, to soften again, or to allow that sense of delight to just flirt with us a little bit? Well, I think it's helpful to take a moment to just reflect on the nature of joy. Joy isn't something that we can plan out. It's spontaneous and playful. It's light, it's curious, and it requires a certain receptivity from us. Joy just doesn't thrive in tightly controlled environments, or it certainly doesn't thrive under constant pressure. So now, take a moment and think about the world that most of us are living in on a day-to-day basis. We live in a world that celebrates busyness and productivity. We live in a world where we are asked to focus on success, which is often some distant goal in the future. And how often do we actually feel like we've arrived? And if we do ever feel like we've arrived, how long does that feeling actually stick around? Now that is actually a conversation for another day, but just give that some thought. What I'm saying is that it's so easy for us to slip into a rhythm where we're always managing ourselves or others. We're always approaching life with this idea of fixing and improving, or trying to meet some made-up standard of what it means to, quote unquote, be doing life right. Yeah, that mindset just flattens the texture of our lives. And I think this is especially true for those of us with creative leanings. This approach to the daily experience of life. Yeah, I'm not talking about the big picture dreams we all have for ourselves. This is just the daily grind. I think it's heavy and this kind of monotonous routine that is layered with responsibility and obligation, and so many shoulds. I think this dulls what would otherwise be a rich and vibrant and maybe even much more joyful life. Even something as simple as taking a walk on a gorgeous day or cooking a meal can shift from being a delightful sensory experience to just another item on the schedule. And that's really sad. So if this resonates with you, if you have been in that space lately where everything feels like effort and joy feels really far away, what's likely happening is that you've been in survival or management mode for so long that your system has disconnected from the importance of being open and present in the moment. You may have become so future focused with your to-do list, or just making sure that the future turns out exactly the way you expect it to, that coming back to the present moment where joy is actually experienced feels nearly impossible to you. Or certainly it feels inaccessible. So if this is you, I want you to take some solace in the fact that joy doesn't need perfect circumstances to return, but it does need space and it does need some softness, and it needs moments that are not optimized for outcome. Yeah, and I know that that can feel foreign or at least unattainable at first, especially if you spent years living by these invisible shoulds. I should get this done, I need to get this done. But here's the beautiful truth about joy. You certainly haven't grown out of it. It's not gone to some faraway place. It's still hanging out close by, and it's just waiting to visit us. But we have to make the space to let it in. So as we move on here, there is an important distinction I want to make. Joy is not the same as happiness. Happiness is often tied to conditions, like when things go right or when plans work out, when you finally cross that finish line, that's a sense of happiness, right? But joy is different. Joy is arguably more fleeting. We experience it as a higher, more positive state of arousal, and our bodies engage radically with joy. Our mood shifts with joy. It's this very immersive, very positive, very physical experience. So it's it's not something that you chase down, because the more you chase it, the actually the farther away it feels. It's something that you allow. But I think so many of us have learned to treat joy like a reward. We are we tell ourselves that we can feel joy once the work is done or once we're caught up. And we tell ourselves that we'll be able to soften after we've proven ourselves or solved the problem. But joy just doesn't work that way. It's not waiting for you at the end of the checklist, it's waiting for you in the spaces between the doing. It's even waiting for you while you're doing things, if you're present and open. So, my dear perfectionists and my dear high achievers, hear me when I say this. Sometimes, in order to let more joy in, it means loosening your grip on control. It means letting go of how you think things should be, because joy very often hides in the moments that we don't plan, or when even when things go imperfectly, when things are allowed to be a little messy, or we allow ourselves to be a little less guarded, then there's room for humor and playfulness, or gratitude and surprise. And all of those are slippery little pathways to joy. When we start to understand that joy is a form of connection to ourselves and to others, even to life itself, in the present moment, it shifts everything. That internal shift is so healing and so healthy on multiple levels. We start to understand that joy and everything that comes with it isn't some sort of indulgent, quote unquote, nice to have, but not needed part of being human. Joy is an essential ingredient, and you're starving for it if you haven't had it in a while. So maybe today, instead of making the aim trying to feel happy, I just want you to start noticing what softens you, what warms you, what stirs something true and good inside you. I want you to lean into those things. Just sit with them, linger with them a little longer than you normally would, because that's your access point. Joy is waiting for you through those things. And thankfully, it is really true that often the smallest little openings are the most powerful, so it doesn't have to feel heavy. Like I was talking about earlier, I want you to start by noticing something beautiful, but just for the sake of noticing it. It could be the color of the sky or the sound of laughter in another room. I want you to pause and really see it or really experience it. I want you to fully register the moment by expressing internally or even out loud, hey, this thing is really beautiful. And any inclination you might have to reach for your phone or to document it in some way or another, resist that impulse. Just practice being with that beauty and receiving it. This is your doorway back to presence. And as I said before, joy only exists in the present moment. So, next, I want you to pay attention to any moments that make your body soften. How wonderful would it be to just catch yourself in that moment when you're smiling unexpectedly? Or that really pleasurable feeling of warm sunlight on your skin. Just catching yourself noticing and appreciating those things. Something inside of you shifts and turns toward the warmth. And I want you to feel that. And then here's a really good one. Notice the softening that happens when you let go of your breath and deeply exhale. And maybe it was only that you just now realized that you'd been holding your breath. So enjoy that release. Don't pass over it. Basically, I want you to train your attention to notice these small little moments of release and softening and beauty and presence. When you notice those things, allow yourself the opportunity to linger with them. Even five extra seconds of awareness can totally change your inner landscape. Now, for moving into a slightly more playful mode, I want you to do one thing just because. Not because it's useful, not because it's productive, or because someone else is expecting you to do it. I just want you to pick something to do just because it delights you. Make a cup of tea and drink it slowly, sit on the porch or just wear your fancy earrings. Give yourself permission to do something purely for the pleasure of it. You are reminding your nervous system that survival mode isn't the only mode. It's not the only option. And then, of course, as I mentioned before, remember, joy is just so much more likely to show up when we stop controlling the outcome. And I want you to notice how much effort you routinely put into controlling the outcomes, which, by the way, on a side note, really isn't possible. That's just an illusion. And you've heard me talk about that before in this podcast. But anyway, for you, letting go of some control might mean saying yes to something spontaneous or out of character. Maybe it's just leaving room for surprise. And maybe it's actually giving someone else some control and letting yourself be okay with however that's going to turn out. And perhaps the most important thing I want you to try is this really very important reflection. So are you ready? Ask yourself if life has started to feel mechanical or robotic for you, I want you to trace the items on your to-do list back to their why. Why are these things on your list a priority for you? Are you doing them just to get them crossed off? Are you doing them to prove yourself in some way? Are you doing them because you care about the people or the work or the routines that you've chosen? When you can feel the threat of meaning behind the action, even small tasks can feel more alive. And if you're struggling to find meaning in certain activities, maybe it's time to reconsider how highly you prioritize them. Perhaps there's a better balance to be found. Tolerating a little more mess alongside a little more joy seems like a pretty fair trade-off in the big picture scheme of things, right? So, as I begin wrapping this up for today, I want to leave you with this one thought. Joy doesn't ask for your perfection or for your duty. It just asks for your presence. You do not have to have everything figured out or checked off on your list before it comes to find you. And you certainly don't have to earn joy or deserve it or wait until the next season of your life in order to be able to experience it. Joy is this glorious companion that is ready to walk with us every day. It's waiting for those moments when we can finally turn our heads and notice that, yeah, it's been hanging out close by all along. We just haven't invited it in or made the space. So breathe, my friends. Just feel your feet where they are. Let your shoulders soften. Notice one thing that brings some warmth or gratitude or beauty into this present moment. And I promise you, there is at least one thing. You'll find it. You just gotta look for it. And that's it. By doing that, you've opened the door. And now it's your job to keep it open and be ready to celebrate when joy stumbles in. You'll be welcoming back one of those truly essential human experiences that makes this whole journey called life worth walking. And with that, my friends, I just want to say thank you so much for spending your time with me today. I really hope that this managed to lighten your load just a little bit, or gave you hope that things can feel lighter without some major overhaul. And if this conversation helped you exhale a little bit or reminded you that joy is closer than it seems sometimes, I would be deeply grateful if you would share this with someone else who might need the same reminder. And also, if you haven't already, just make sure you're subscribed so that you don't miss any episodes. And my friends, as always, if you would like to go deeper into this kind of work, into all of the facets of learning to live from a place of alignment and worthiness and self-trust, this is my personal invitation to you to add yourself to the 3D authenticity program waitlist. Not only is that program the place where you will truly learn everything you need for authentic living, you will also be fully supported as you start to implement it. And you will find a beautiful community. You will create deep, meaningful, true relationships with the beautiful souls making the journey with you. It is such a special experience. And you can find the link to learn more about it in the show notes. In the meantime, my friends, come hang out with me on Instagram at 3D Authenticity, or send me an email. I truly love to know what's on your mind. So until the next time, my friends, please take care of yourselves. Be well, and bye for now.